AP Goes Green! Thar be a terrible secret. A secret that now must be revealed to the world. What be causin' yer so-called 'Global Warmin''? Ye Pastafarians be knowin'. 'Tain't carbon emissions or Republicans. 'Twas us Pirates. Us an' them accursed Ninjas. Y'see, 300 milllion years ago, when Pirates an' Ninjas be fightin' across the Earth, we done somethin'. Somethin'... bad.